Qualia

If it wasn’t for the roaches
I’d probably be able to approach this
New home with at least the dust from my old one
But, of course, I had to spray and wipe down my VCR to make the bugs run
Ejected from the place we’d both cling to as an escape
Through rectangular tapes
That’d produce images of otherworldly things
Who would’ve thought that I’d hold onto it more than anything
Now that I’m here
Just around the corner from the last laughs that my family would share
As a collective
Should’ve known when my father was being deflective
When I asked about my mother’s sudden absence
That he referred to their love in the past tense
What now?
Am I supposed to allow
This new strange woman to fill a hole
In the parental role
That she helped dig
I’m as fragile as a twig
But I will not break
Eventually, my father will realize that he made a mistake
That this woman’s smile is fake
And that she’s just a venomous snake
Waiting to strike in this green dyed grass
Time will pass
And I’ll discover a way to find
Some peace of mind
Maybe I’ll find it in the when I press rewind
To remind my father of what we left behind